where todd p won't be » TV

This is pretty much me watching Lost, that one time I watched Lost

jeff — Wed, 03 Feb 2010 18:06:27 +0000

With the exception of that last frame, which I don’t understand.

The Youngs in Media

jeff — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 17:26:20 +0000

Daniel D’Addario, newly-crowned editor of Ivygate and chronicler of “Cornell Sorority Girls Act As Expected“, will appear on College Jeopardy in February. In search of why the college tourny is scheduled so early this year (my memory puts it in late summer/early fall), I found a message board with some inside shit on the audition process.

Why did The Office do a clip episode?

jeff — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 16:33:08 +0000

You’d think typing that into Google would yield THE ANSWER, but what we’ve found so far barely counts as speculation. Here’s what we know isn’t happening:

The show being canceled.

So what gives? A few theories:

Steve Carell and John Krasinski are working on other stuff right now. Scheduling conflict? Carell was in the episode, but only momentarily (I mean really, everyone was only in there momentarily, or not at all), and someone noticed his hair looking a little weird, maybe from his do in the upcoming Dinner for Schmucks.
The original intention was to extend the season beyond Feb. 11, which would’ve put this in the middle somewhere. That would’ve worked better for people, except now they’re going to end before the Olympics.
There is to be a major plot transition; the clip show bookends the “old Office”.
The show has “jumped the shark,” a term given to a media artifact when internet fan dorks realize the creators are neither listening to them nor “doing it for the fans.”

You probably didn’t need to ask, but…

jeff — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:43:01 +0000

We’re with Coco.

This setup seems familiar.

jeff — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 20:00:59 +0000

11:35pm-12:05am: Jay Leno
12:05am-1:05am: Conan O’Brien
1:05am-2:05am: Jimmy Fallon

NBC burn in Hell.

I’ve been lied to and I am angry

jeff — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 15:15:00 +0000

1. THE ACTUAL JERSEY SHORE HASN’T BEEN THIS INTERESTING IN YEARS. Sorry to be blunt, but no one has found summer on the New Jersey coast exciting since the shark attacks of 1916.

Bullet point two might just kill me.

[New York Times]

To think of Alex Guarnaschelli having a -gasm of any sort makes my insides turn to ice.

jeff — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 18:11:30 +0000

Hey Alex, what’s shaking? Based on that look, I’d guess the parts between your legs.

EEEW.

Remember your fourth grade teacher? Mine was called — spelled phonetically to protect the guilty (me) and because I don’t know how to spell — Ms. Hipsch. Rhymes with bitch, which gets good mileage if you’re in fourth grade and your instructor commutes upward from the seventh level of hell.

Alex Guarnaschelli is sort of like the fourth grade teacher of food. Its all fun and games one minute, and the next you’re catching hell on the chopping block for tossing too much bacon grease over your bacon-garnished ice cream and endive. It wears about the same, too; at first, you’re almost attracted to it (everyone’s a masochist, deep down; those feelings get pretty complicated when you’re in fourth grade, believe you me), but by the third or fourth day you’re ready to go all Poltergeist vomit creature on her ass.

So pardon me for assuming that Alex’s erotic facial expressions would be the worst of the Food Network bunch. Untrue, reveals Food Network Humor. Turns out everyone looks pretty silly putting on an O-face over a bite of paella (or, in Rachel Ray’s case, a ham and cheese sandwich).

The Rob Gordon character in High Fidelity remarks, “fetish properties are not unlike porn. I’d feel bad taking [vinyl geeks'] money, if I wasn’t, well, kinda one of them.” That’s more or less the driving principle behind the Food Network. It’s salivary gland masturbation for people who can’t cook, and the satisfaction level is roughy the culinary equivelant of wacking off — less mess, but the emptiness is the same and the incidence of drool is roughly equal (am I doing it wrong?). They’d feel bad too, if they weren’t, well, worse than the rest of us.

Pullin’ Punches

jeff — Mon, 14 Dec 2009 17:42:34 +0000

Boy, sure is a good thing we covered the duff heard ’round the shore. The “edgy” and “extreme” “music” “television network” has decided that reality got a little too real for TV, and has cut the infamous Snooki face-punch scene from this week’s episode of Jersey Shore. Here are some reasons why this is dumb:

They already aired the good part, hundreds of times.
It’s all over the internet.
It happened. In the same way Buffalo Bills lineman Eric Wood’s leg bone isn’t going to retract back into its joint after CBS decided not to air replays of the (really very very bad) injury*, Snooki is not going to be un-punched by MTV putting the lid on this. The difference is the Wood injury was way gross, gross enough that CBS would’ve probably been flirting with legal exposure by replaying it; the Snooki punch was just hilarious**.
The guy who did the crime is already getting his professionally; MTV should have the backbone to let this play out publicly.

*Fair warning: if you’re planning on clicking through to the Eric Wood injury article, know that it contains video.

**Look, I don’t know if this is a necessary disclaimer, but this blog doesn’t condone violence of any kind, particularly the gigantic-musclehead-dick-punches-diminutive-woman kind. Having said that, we still think the incident — taken in context, which doesn’t totally absolve Snooki from the altercation — is hilarious. The Internet has wired us to believe any fall, spill or physical mishap is funny. The people have spoken.

Oh sorry, I forgot this is a blog, and so we’re mandated to write something about Jersey Shore

jeff — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 17:02:46 +0000

We watched the fuck out of Jersey Shore last night, brah. Some stuff happened. Some real important stuff that I’d have a better handle on if it weren’t for all the beer and drug. Someone was in a hot tub, some babes made out in there, I think, maybe with The Situation? I don’t know, I just like the dude’s name.

Oh, right! This self-loathing MTV blog reminded me that Angelina left the show. I didn’t find myself connecting with her, anyway.

Then everyone went to the club. Someone cheated on a boyfriend.

Honestly? The only thing worth writing about this week is the preview clip for next week, which I guess makes this week mostly a waste of time. ~~But next week, you’re gonna get to see this chick refer to someone’s ass as ugly, and then get decked in the face by that person.~~

Wow the more I watch it, the more it strikes me as disturbing. You really shouldn’t duff a girl in the face. Or anyone really. I wonder if it’ll ever stop being funny entirely.

We are a sick culture.. still, its pretty rich when her hat flies off.

Heh… haha… HAHAHA! You’ve got me, for at least one more week, MTV.

This.. is… JEOPARDY!

jeff — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:43:35 +0000

The Jeopardy Celebrity Invitational continued yesterday, pitting three fly honies against one another, for charity. Jane Kaczmarek of “Malcolm in the Middle” and “Raising the Bar” fame blew away Julie Bowen of “Julie Bowen Goes on a Date with Jeff From Where Todd P Won’t Be, Resulting in Intercourse, Marriage” … er, “Boston Legal” and some other shit on ABC, and Howard Stern sidekick Robin Quivers, who scored a “best dressed of 2009″ from People (I’ll buy that).

All told, it was way less obnoxious than most of the Celeb Invitational (anyone catch Wolf Blitzer’s crash-and-burn? Woof).

Gotta say though, I’m even more stoked for the next qualifying round, to take place on December 18: Joshua Malina (Sports Night, The West Wing, Celebrity Poker), Harry Shearer (THIS IS SPINAL TAP, The Simpsons) and Christopher Meloni (Wet Hot American Summer and a whole bunch of TV).

Why the sudden excitement over the early evening timeslot? Well, we figure now’s as good a time as any to reveal — to your chagrin, surely — that we’ve got a new project in the works. Jeopardy is a comedic goldmine, and we figure its high time someone used the internet to chronicle that. We’re still banging out some technical details and getting our Webs in order, but stay tuned for Thank You, Johnny!