You can find the full fable at the link above, but the gist is, some A-rabs got rowdy on a flight, which obviously means they were about to do something terrorist-y, and that’s where Petunia had had enough:

This is where I had had enough! I got up and started to the back where I heard a voice behind me from another Texan twice my size say “I got your back.” I grabbed the man who had been on the phone by the arm and said “you WILL go sit down or you Will be thrown from this plane!” As I “led” him around me to take his seat, the fellow Texan grabbed him by the back of his neck and his waist and headed out with him. I then grabbed the 2nd man and said, “You WILL do the same!”

Trouble is, that par-ticular Texan doesn’t exist, Petruna was a few hundred miles away, aaaaaaand the passengers in question were speaking Spanish, not Arabic. Here’s the situation:

Some non-English speakers get on a plane. One of them keeps fooling around with a DVD player, or cell phone, or whatever and, being unaccostomed to all the FAA’s rules and regs, doesn’t know to can it for takeoff. A flight attendant is forced to do some chop-busting, which is lost on the guy, because he doesn’t speak English. Flight is delayed. Some folks get off the plane, TSA swings through to sort things out and, by and by, everyone has a big cross-cultural chuckle about the whole thing.

Then Glenn Beck and an army of right-wing bloggers open wide — no, wider please — and take this oversized lie full-force in the kisser. Now they think AirTran is covering up the fact that a terrorist attack was averted. Because that’s definitely what you’d do if a terrorist attack was averted. Keep it to yourself.

Attack of the liberal media hype machine that spins? Mmmm… maybe not. Another lie that might turn out to be true, but for now is a lie, is that Petruna works for Raytheon. Raytheon — they who make the bombs that make the whole world flame — doesn’t exactly have the strongest liberal credentials; however, the truth brings us together:

But Raytheon spokesman Jon Kasle tells TPMmuckraker, “This individual is not a Raytheon employee.” Kasle says he’s not sure why Raytheon’s name is on Petruna’s e-mail account, and declined to comment on whether the company is looking into the matter.

What a hoot.

Ughhh, this all raises so many questions! New York City is supposed to be a haven for people like me, and I am still getting my ass kicked by the same goons who were kicking my ass in high school. They probably want to kick my ass because they see what huge assholes we all are, with our cocaine and our cameras and our annoying music. I also wonder why it was that so many thousands of people wanted to stand for hours in the rain to get hot and filthy and have their pictures taken by strangers and probably get their asses kicked to boot. I was there too, and didn’t want to leave despite any of these issues, and why? Because I am no better than anyone I despise and couldn’t stop chasing the green monster. I degraded and debased myself for a few bucks, and yes, we all know where that money is going.

[...]

Kids, we are blowing it. Everything they say about us is true.

Emphasis mine.

I feel like there ought to be some sort of deconstruction here, but, really, I don’t think any of us at WTPWB would disagree with anything the guy’s got to say. There is this part, which makes him sound like a sort-of “glass half empty” sort of guy (a ‘hipster’ trait that people seem to hate a lot):

I scoff at it all now from atop my high horse, but I was there too, because I am poor and when people want give me money to play my guitar, I can’t ever say no. [sic]

First read left me wondering what it would be like if anyone offered me money to play a guitar, and how bad could it be, because its getting paid to play a guitar. On the other hand, I do work thats vaguely “creative” (that term becomes more elusive / vague to me as time passes), and I guess playing Weezer covers is probably the guitarist’s equivalent of what I have to do at my day job a lot of the time.

[Titus Andronicus: The VICE Halloween Party is Decadent and Depraved]

Martha Stewart showed up at Brooklyn Flea this weekend. Beeooooorrriiinng.

Except, I wonder if she’s familiar with the Brownstoner blog — which I’m not allowed to read because I didn’t pass the requisite credit check — because if not, she might be confused as to why this guy self-declares as a “Brown Stoner”

Brown Stoner?

Our first subject uses the keyword search method, combined with a little bribery (m4w):

hipster soulmate – 24 (b’wick)

looking for cute hipster girls with whom to share my soul, or my CMJ PASS!!!!!!!! SEXY INDIE BROOKLYN HIPSTER NERDY LIBRARIAN GUIDED BY VOICES GLASSES BOURBON LEFTIST IPOD CUTE KITSCH WORD SALAD SELF-AWARENESS MARKET HOTEL KINKY FALAFEL SNARKY L TRAIN COFFEE AND A OCCASIONAL STEAK

Where Todd P. Won’t Be Effectiveness rating: 2.3/10

CMJ anyone? – 25 (East Village)

I want to go to some shows with someone.

anyone want to see some?

Rating: 1/10

A missed connection: dear doc-filmmaker, indie-music blogger of my dreams – 28 (West Village)

We chatted most the party away–Neal, you and I–then agreed to meet your friends at SOB. The stupid taxies kept passing us by, so we hoofed it the whole way. $30 bucks wasn’t so bad for all three of us!

You shuffled through your numerous business cards for several minutes, when all I wanted to do was snatch one out of your hands. My Southern sensibilities prevented such an intrusion.

I tracked down GFP via Amanda, so maybe we’ll bump into each other during CMJ. I want to talk with you more about film and music while proving how much you sparked the joie de à vivre into my Sunday morning.

Catch me soon Em? Z

Rating: 8/10

Sexy rocker boy on tour From Chicago here till the 25th – m4w – 26 (Newark/Manhattan)

Hey Girls I’m a very attractive rocker boy on tour with my band from chicago. I’m looking for an attractive, clean, std free woman to show me a good time while I’m in town for CMJ.

Ill be staying in Newark at the holiday inn but will also be spending a lot of time in Manhattan. I’ve never been to NYC before so I’m really excited.

here are some links to my photos.

www.myspace.com/geezed
www.facebook.com/aaronmfvaughn
AIM- aaronmfvaughn

please reply with at least three recent photos and or myspace/facebook link.

I will be in town till the 25th

cheers dolls!!

Rating: -5/10 (Immediate disqualification for being in Newark; additional points off for using the term “dolls” outside of a conversation about Mad Men.

Other highlights from today’s Skint:

12:30pm: new york hot dog + coffee’s last giveaway of the season: 100 free spicy kimchi bulgogi hot dogs >>
7pm: michael winterbottom twofer: ‘code 46‘ + ‘24 hour party people,’ 92yt, $12 >>
7pm: drink up + meet your match (or the other way around) @ the brooklyn meatup, bell house, $10 >>

If you didn’t read that, let me tell you how it boils down. Basically, that site you love to hate, Look at This Fucking Hipster, couldn’t get enough of its actual subjects to sign the waiver for their upcoming (surely to be deck as fuck) book, so they’re hiring real, live posers to model in their “best (worst) hipster attire.”

Nyuck, nyuck.

They’ll be shooting this Friday, September 4 between 11am-5pm at:

233 Norman Ave. between Russell and N Henry in Greenpoint. Buzz #202.

Unfortunately, WTPWB won’t be able to make it, because we have, you know, day jobs and so forth (laame), things to do during the day, you know how it goes.

Where do you come in? Well, the way we see it, these douches are just asking to be pranked/messed with/disrupted. As pacifists, or at least lazy folks, we don’t condone or encourage violence of any kind (although stunts like theirs surely try our patience), but whatever you come up with to otherwise FUCK SHIT UP at this photo shoot, we encourage you to totally go for it.

We’re a young blog, and we’ve heard that young blogs can make a name by giving stuff away, so if you can document your stunt and send us some pics/documentation (which we’ll post, anonymously, on this website), Jeff will give you his iPod. No, that’s not a joke.

ONE FREE IPOD TO THE FUNNIEST, MOST ELABORATE OR MOST INTERESTING PRANKSTER.

It’s 80 gigs, with a bunch of music on it if you want. You read it here first.

Ass covering: We are dead serious about the nonviolence thing. Anyone gets hurt, anything expensive gets broken, any animals harmed, that’s all on you. And you lose the contest. And maybe go to jail. Consider yourself warned.

Address:
12 wyckoff Avenue
Brooklyn, New York 11237
(L train to Jefferson Street)