I bet Todd P did not know that Japan is run by aliens. I bet you didn’t know either, but here at WTPWB, our brand of rough-and-tumble-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-issue-hard-hitting journalism aims to inform. So let’s really crack the lid off of this one.
The first, and most telling sign that any country is about to succumb to an alien invasion is when the guy they elect to be premier is married to someone who has traveled to Venus. Seriously. First Lady to be Miyuki Hatoyama described her trip to Venus this way:
“It was a very beautiful place and it was really green.”
When asked what her husband would think about her traveling to a planet covered with giant volcanoes and sulfuric acid rain, Miyuki was upbeat about her husband’s unwavering support:
“He would surely say ‘Oh, that’s great’.”
So I know what you’re thinking now–what does the premier’s wife traveling to Venus have to do with Japan being run by aliens? Surely plenty of people make the trek between the two planets all the time. Well let’s go to some other clues.
Here’s a glaring one: The new PM’s nickname? The Alien. Oh good–that’s not subtle. What’s more, his wife claims that he really earned the name, by being, um, different. And if you’re not convinced by either of those two facts, maybe this will link them together. In an interview for a book, Yukio lovingly described his wife as “an energy-refuelling base.” Oh GOOD.
This is the perfect case of hiding in plain sight, essentially creating an alley-oop for pundits who want to repurpose something they wrote a year ago about Obama’s commitment to change, add a couple of Japanese Wikipedia references, post it, and then blow off the rest of the day instead of looking into the fact that these people are from another planet. Hey, it’s a tried and true strategy after all.
But here’s where it gets scary: This woman who traveled to Venus and regularly acts as a refueling station? She is looking forward to hanging out with Michelle Obama. And why? Well, because “I think she is so natural and has a kind of sensibility similar to mine. If I can have the chance to meet her, I would look forward to it.”
A similar sensibility? Let’s compare the two. Miyuki Hatoyama claims to eat…the sun:
When the sun is up, I always eat it… I tear it off and eat it like this,” she said, gesturing as if clawing at the life-giving celestial body, tearing off pieces and putting them in her mouth. “That gives me great power,” she said.
And lastly, Hatoyama claims she used to be a “jeans person.” The Obamas as we all know, still are a Jeans Family. Basically, this is terrifying. Aliens have taken control of the Japanese government, and are planning to do something to Michelle Obama, and no one seems to care save for a little blog in Brooklyn. But, we’re not here to complain. Sometimes all you have to do is provide leading coverage on one crappy story to catapult a crap website with mediocre, or even no content whatsoever, into one of the most highly trafficked sites on the internet.
Things about Japan that Todd P doesn’t know
I bet Todd P did not know that Japan is run by aliens. I bet you didn’t know either, but here at WTPWB, our brand of rough-and-tumble-get-to-the-bottom-of-the-issue-hard-hitting journalism aims to inform. So let’s really crack the lid off of this one.
The first, and most telling sign that any country is about to succumb to an alien invasion is when the guy they elect to be premier is married to someone who has traveled to Venus. Seriously. First Lady to be Miyuki Hatoyama described her trip to Venus this way:
“It was a very beautiful place and it was really green.”
When asked what her husband would think about her traveling to a planet covered with giant volcanoes and sulfuric acid rain, Miyuki was upbeat about her husband’s unwavering support:
“He would surely say ‘Oh, that’s great’.”
So I know what you’re thinking now–what does the premier’s wife traveling to Venus have to do with Japan being run by aliens? Surely plenty of people make the trek between the two planets all the time. Well let’s go to some other clues.
Here’s a glaring one: The new PM’s nickname? The Alien. Oh good–that’s not subtle. What’s more, his wife claims that he really earned the name, by being, um, different. And if you’re not convinced by either of those two facts, maybe this will link them together. In an interview for a book, Yukio lovingly described his wife as “an energy-refuelling base.” Oh GOOD.
This is the perfect case of hiding in plain sight, essentially creating an alley-oop for pundits who want to repurpose something they wrote a year ago about Obama’s commitment to change, add a couple of Japanese Wikipedia references, post it, and then blow off the rest of the day instead of looking into the fact that these people are from another planet. Hey, it’s a tried and true strategy after all.
But here’s where it gets scary: This woman who traveled to Venus and regularly acts as a refueling station? She is looking forward to hanging out with Michelle Obama. And why? Well, because “I think she is so natural and has a kind of sensibility similar to mine. If I can have the chance to meet her, I would look forward to it.”
A similar sensibility? Let’s compare the two. Miyuki Hatoyama claims to eat…the sun:
When the sun is up, I always eat it… I tear it off and eat it like this,” she said, gesturing as if clawing at the life-giving celestial body, tearing off pieces and putting them in her mouth. “That gives me great power,” she said.
Michelle Obama claims to eat…Mexican Food.
Miyuki Hatoyama claims to have known Tom Cruise in a past life:
“I remember that he and I were together (in a previous life). I believe he’d get it if I said to him ‘long time no see’ when I meet him.”
Michelle? She doesn’t want anything to do with those celebrities.
And lastly, Hatoyama claims she used to be a “jeans person.” The Obamas as we all know, still are a Jeans Family. Basically, this is terrifying. Aliens have taken control of the Japanese government, and are planning to do something to Michelle Obama, and no one seems to care save for a little blog in Brooklyn. But, we’re not here to complain. Sometimes all you have to do is provide leading coverage on one crappy story to catapult a crap website with mediocre, or even no content whatsoever, into one of the most highly trafficked sites on the internet.