The flags are at half staff and the spotlights are on full blast. Its nine-eleven. Nine-one-one, for you mouth-breathing Pennsatucky Republicans. The Big Day. September 11. A day to take pause, or, if it happens to be your particular field, partake in a little blowhardism and political jockeying.
Ah yes, a day rife for what we in America do best: exploit. Expect to hear all your favorite national icons telling you what September 11 has to do with things like abortion, immigration, health care, how you grow grass in New Hampshire, hair loss, weight gain, welfare, the war on terror, the war on drugs, the war on war, unions, reparations, and anything else The Crazies can come up with.
Speaking of, here’s a list of people and things we’ll be following today:
You can help! Send us your favorite September 11 exploitation coverage, and we’ll add it to our collection.
Let’s roll.
Marion Barry
D.C.’s scorned lover leader really isn’t up to much today so far. Its possible hes not out of bed yet, if this Weekly Standard profile, written by a guy with a terrible wordplay addiction, is any indication:
“Mr. Barry wants to start early,” Natalie informs. “He wants you to come to church with him tomorrow.”
“Great,” I say. “What time does church start?”
“Eleven A.M.,” she says.
“Okay. And what time should I meet him before church?” I ask.
“Eleven-thirty,” she responds with complete seriousness.
Glenn Beck
Is taking the day off, apparently. Tomorrow, he’ll run a 9/12 Project rally. The 9/12 Project, if you hadn’t heard, is the byproduct of Glenn Beck’s outrageous misinterpretation of the Founder’s writings. Its website looks like a ripoff of Obama’s campaign designs, except stupider. Most things Glenn Beck does are a ripoff of something less stupid, I guess.
Joe Biden
Is in New York hanging around with firefighters and things.
Birthers
SF Weekly wonders, who’s crazier: birthers or truthers and concludes
Our final verdict: Truthers are crazier. Birthers are dumber. In the name of the Illuminati, let’s hope these people don’t mingle among each other and reproduce.
MSNBC is rerunning its live coverage of September 11, 2001. Later: Rachel Maddow to masturbate live on camera.
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC)
Air America editor-in-chief Beau Friedlander writes today that the post-9/11 news atmosphere indirectly paved the way for dumbfucks like Wilson making themselves look like fools in Congress:
9-11 added exponentially to the army of news addicts cable news had been amassing since its inception two decades earlier. No one doubts that it pays to feature stories with native drama–like tea parties and shoutfests at town halls–and to keep viewers hungry for information, not about the substance underlying the situation or issue, but information that increases a sense of expectation around “recent developments” at a story’s surface.
As I suspected, the dumb fucks in his district still think he’s a real swell guy; meanwhile, the price tag on South Carolina’s second district is getting higher.
Todd P.
2NITE 9/10 — Silk Flowers, Mattress, Ducktails @ ASH’S PLACE
Its so hard to find good data on this guy, it being that nobody really gives him the time of day anymore, so lets just assume he’s impregnating one of his children or something like that.
Meanwhile, it looks like Kevin Smith’s much-anticipated horror film, Red State, might be inspired by Phelps.
Rhetorical EXPLOSION
Image courtesy FEMA, oddly enough.
The flags are at half staff and the spotlights are on full blast. Its nine-eleven. Nine-one-one, for you mouth-breathing Pennsatucky Republicans. The Big Day. September 11. A day to take pause, or, if it happens to be your particular field, partake in a little blowhardism and political jockeying.
Ah yes, a day rife for what we in America do best: exploit. Expect to hear all your favorite national icons telling you what September 11 has to do with things like abortion, immigration, health care, how you grow grass in New Hampshire, hair loss, weight gain, welfare, the war on terror, the war on drugs, the war on war, unions, reparations, and anything else The Crazies can come up with.
Speaking of, here’s a list of people and things we’ll be following today:
You can help! Send us your favorite September 11 exploitation coverage, and we’ll add it to our collection.
Let’s roll.
Marion Barry
D.C.’s scorned lover leader really isn’t up to much today so far. Its possible hes not out of bed yet, if this Weekly Standard profile, written by a guy with a terrible wordplay addiction, is any indication:
Glenn Beck
Is taking the day off, apparently. Tomorrow, he’ll run a 9/12 Project rally. The 9/12 Project, if you hadn’t heard, is the byproduct of Glenn Beck’s outrageous misinterpretation of the Founder’s writings. Its website looks like a ripoff of Obama’s campaign designs, except stupider. Most things Glenn Beck does are a ripoff of something less stupid, I guess.
Joe Biden
Is in New York hanging around with firefighters and things.
Birthers
SF Weekly wonders, who’s crazier: birthers or truthers and concludes
Hear, hear!
[SF Weekly]
Ground Zero
Oh hey guess what? There’s still a gigantic cavity in the ground where these buildings used to be.
The Media
Andrew Sullivan wonders, re: The Onion: Too soon?
[The Daily Dish]
MSNBC is rerunning its live coverage of September 11, 2001. Later: Rachel Maddow to masturbate live on camera.
Rep. Joe Wilson (R-SC)
Air America editor-in-chief Beau Friedlander writes today that the post-9/11 news atmosphere indirectly paved the way for dumbfucks like Wilson making themselves look like fools in Congress:
TechNewsWorld’s Renay San Miguel makes a similar argument.
As I suspected, the dumb fucks in his district still think he’s a real swell guy; meanwhile, the price tag on South Carolina’s second district is getting higher.
Todd P.
[Todd P]
Fred Phelps
Its so hard to find good data on this guy, it being that nobody really gives him the time of day anymore, so lets just assume he’s impregnating one of his children or something like that.
Meanwhile, it looks like Kevin Smith’s much-anticipated horror film, Red State, might be inspired by Phelps.