Oh Jesus

OH Boy!! We’re not at all about conspiracy theories here at WTPWB, which is exactly why it may seem surprising that here we are, bringing you an exclusive look at THE BIGGEST CONSPIRACY EVER CONSPIRED. And who is at the bottom of this shady deal? Todd P of course.

It’s obvious to any hipster worth his vinyl that Todd P has been nailing Dan Deacon on the side for about the past 6 months or so. This is so well known in fact, that even a mediocre grade hipster would not dare bring it up in conversation, at risk of seeming out of touch with the pulse of NOW. Fun fact: The tryst got so serious that Todd P even set up an exclusive love tent for the two to ‘snooker‘ in, which was famously featured on the cover of Deacon’s latest album, in a nod of gratitude. All of this is old news. Here’s where it gets interesting:

Todd P was recently sighted in Downtown Brooklyn, emerging from the Metro Tech Complex. We were able to confirm this fact when dedicated WTPWB reader David was able to snap this quick shot of Todd P leaving the building. Who could he have possibly been meeting with? Taking into account his close history with Deacon, the logical choice would be Dan’s uncle, controversial real estate mogul Bruce Ratner. Deacon has never publicly acknowledged his relationship with his diametrically opposed uncle for fear of alienating his shitty fan base. But let’s take a look at the two side by side–the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree on this one.

So the next question to be answered is what Ratner and P could have been meeting about. We did a little digging, and the answer came up pretty quickly. From a 2007 Gothamist Interview with Todd P:

“I don’t exactly make money off shows; that’s never been my goal. I do sometimes make an income but sometimes I don’t. I need to set up a way to make an income that doesn’t involve putting on shows. One of those ways is opening commercial spaces for bands to rehearse.”

Oh good lord. Now let’s connect the dots– Ratner is sitting on a giant Rail yard, that he can’t seem to do anything with except pay continuously less money for–and now he’s meeting with TP? Ratner must be giving Todd a sweetheart of a deal on commercial space for bands to practice in. But why would Ratner do this? It’s a given that any band that contracts with Todd P sucks so hard, so it seems like Ratner must be trying to amp up the volume around Atlantic Yards, in an effort to drive out the few remaining voices of logic opposition in one of the more purgatorial areas of Brooklyn. It’s kind of like this.

Oh, and if it wasn’t clear enough already, Todd promoted a show at Death by Audio two days ago, with one of the headliners being a band called ‘Real Estate’. Jesus, that is not even subtle.